I did a ton of searches on the internet over the last year to read other peoples experiences with their child's cleft palate and the repair. I found a lot of different information all over the place. I wanted to jot down a few of my experiences with Audrey's cleft palate repair as a reference for others who may be readying to go through the same thing.
Recommendations:
-Wear dark clothing the entire time. I had heard this and wore a black tee and sweatshirt the day of surgery, but hadn't planned to need to wear dark colors the 2nd day onward. But I definitely needed to, so wore the same tee the entire time at the hospital. Even on day 6 post-op, she still drools blood during her sleep, so dark bedding and clothing would be good to have to reduce stains.
-We've always put Audrey to sleep with this seahorse and she seemed to like it so we sent it back with her during the surgery. Well apparently it was a great decision because it was the first thing she reached for as she was waking up and she has wanted it played continuously for the days after her surgery. It has had such a calming effect on her. Now when we go into her room in the morning, the first thing she wants us to do it turn it on and carry it downstairs with us. So if your child has a favorite toy or lullaby item, send it to surgery with him or her and hopefully it'll have the same effect ours did. We did take some other familiar toys and books to the hospital, which she played with very briefly. She just wasn't in the mood and really just wanted to be soothed the entire time.
-Audrey has to wear her no-nos (arms restraints) for three weeks. Different doctors have different time frames. I discovered in the hospital that having colorful covers for the no-nos is nice - we were given some at the hospital that had been tie-dyed. Apparently a family of a daughter who'd been a long-term patient at the hospital dyes men's socks to give to patients for these covers and it's been really nice. I'm thinking of buying some and dying them myself - they'd be pink of course!
-a handheld blender will be your best friend. I bought this one at Costco (for $20!) a few weeks beforehand and am so glad I did. I have used it for everything so far and it's way easier than lugging out my food processor constantly. I'm wondering how on earth I made baby food without one of these for so long.
Like I mentioned previously, Audrey is on a puree/liquid diet only for three weeks and then soft-foods only for an additional three weeks (again, different timeframes from different doctors appears to be common). Her weight and feeding has always been such an issue for us so I'm really trying to think of foods that she likes but can be easily eaten now.
Foods I've been feeding Audrey:
-infant oatmeal mixed with milk
-ice cream
-chobani yogurt
-regular full-fat yogurt blended with fruit
-applesauce
-pureed soups
-pudding
-mashed up bananas and avocados softened with milk
-refried beans, mixed with milk
-puree of sweet potato/chicken/grapes
-mashed potatoes, thinned with milk
-pureed fruits, vegetables, prunes
What I didn't know
- the breath. Oh my goodness, her breath. I didn't know that her breath would be so bad after the surgery. I know this can happen with an infection, but really her breath has been this bad from the very beginning. It's a sign of how much I love her that I'll still kiss her and cuddle her cheek-to-cheek when her breath is as rank as it is now.
-the clinginess. Audrey's always been a mama's girl, but she has been so needy and clingy lately. There are very few times throughout the day where she'll be content without me there. I see glimpses of her usual self occasionally, but in general, she's just been very clingy and mopey
-the bleeding. Like I said above, she still drools blood in her sleep, so I'm washing sheets every day. It's getting more and more diluted, so I think it will hopefully be coming to an end soon
Every day Audrey is getting better and better. I think every child and every repair is so different. I was expecting two weeks of up-all-nights, crying, etc but her sleep was back to normal when we came back home. We did wake her up to give her tylenol for the first 4 days or so to keep our timetable of giving her pain meds every 6 hours consistent. But her sleep was fine. Maybe because her cleft was primarily in the soft palate, but our experience seems to be much better than others have been. We feel very fortunate so far and are so happy to have this behind us right now.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Palate Surgery
On Wednesday, February 13, Audrey underwent her palate repair surgery. It was a day that I'd been both anxiously anticipating and dreading for the last 14 months. I couldn't believe it was finally here. I was so nervous leading up to it. I knew that she'd be in a tremendous amount of pain that I wouldn't be able to fix and seeing your child in pain is every mother's worst nightmare. Anytime I'd start to think about it or talk about it with her doctors or schedulers, I started to tear up.
We arrived at the hospital around 6am. Audrey awoke when we moved her from her crib into her carseat that morning, but was her usual calm self despite the early wake up and lack of food. We waited at the hospital and I kept her happy by swaying with her and singing. She of course wouldn't let anyone else hold her. The nurse asked how the handoff would be and I said "awful" so we gave her medicine to calm her down and make her drowsy before the surgery. I think it was Versed. This made her totally loopy, silly and drowsy so it did its job. She definitely didn't mind being handed to the anesthesiologist around 7:50am thanks to the medicine. It made it easier for us too, that she wasn't crying, scared or upset to leave us.
Tim and I waited anxiously in the waiting room. It was a pretty nice set up at the hospital, with comfortable chairs and a television to give you regular updates on your family member's status. Tim got breakfast and we continued to wait. Around 8:30 the ENT came out, told me Audrey did well with the anesthesia and her ear tubes were fine and wouldn't need to be replaced and that the plastic surgeon was getting started. The plastic surgeon came out around 9:40 and said Audrey was done and everything went smoothly. We were fortunate that most of the cleft was located in the soft palate. It was a teardrop shaped cleft, with just a little in the hard palate and most in the soft palate (the back of the mouth). Surgeries in the hard palate are more difficult and the recovery is much worse.
A little later, they called me back into the recovery room to see her. Only one parent was allowed into Recovery. That part was awful. She was loudly crying, squirming, unhappy and out of it. I grabbed her from the nurses, and tightly held her and swayed and rocked her. She eventually calmed down. Apparently as soon as she came out of anesthesia, she was grabbing for her lullaby seahorse we'd sent back with her. It seemed to really help calm her down and I played that continuously for her. She had blood smeared on her nose and mouth, was swollen, had her arms in splints and was so unhappy. I tried to keep it together but couldn't help but cry while holding my sad, pained little girl.
Eventually she calmed down enough to drink a cup of apple juice/water. She would calm down and then cry again so we eventually gave her morphine also. After about an hour, the nurses wheeled us up to her room and Tim joined us.
The rest of the day was pretty awful. Tim and I alternated rocking Audrey in the (totally uncomfortable) chair in her room. She was doped up on morphine and tylenol so woke up every few hours for about 20 minutes or so. We continued to offer drinks but she refused to drink anything. Tim slept in the fold out couch while I slept with Audrey in the hospital bed. It was pretty restless sleep, with the nurses in and out and Audrey squirming on me but at least she seemed pretty sedated and wasn't too fussy.
I had hoped the next morning would bring a drastic turnaround but we still didn't see it. The nurse turned her IV off around 9:30 and said that she would feel the effects in about 2 hours and be interested in drinking then. We couldn't go home until she drank about 2oz/hour so we were anxiously offering her water, apple juice, milk, applesauce, popiscles all day. It wasn't until around 3pm that she finally took her first sips of water. Hooray! I knew she was still in pain and confused but was thrilled she was finally expressing some interest in drinking. We got our first smile when we took her into the Ronald McDonald play room and stood her at the music table. It was a quick, tentative smile but she seemed to relax for just a moment.
We were able to leave the hospital around 5pm. She seemed relieved to be in her carseat and I think she knew she was headed home. That afternoon, she had begun playing with her tongue, running it over her mouth and lips. She could tell things were different. She was still very swollen and incredibly pale but was starting to be interested in playing for a few minutes here and there.
Now, we are on day 3 post-operation and Audrey is gradually returning to herself. She seems to be getting used to the arm restraints we have to keep on her at all times, so she can't put her hands in her mouth. This makes it hard to walk and to play, but she's adapting. She is interested in drinking milk and water. Food is still a struggle, as she is still relatively reluctant to eat. I've given her a variety of foods including baby oatmeal, mashed banana mixed with milk, yogurt, applesauce, ice cream, pureed sweet potatoes/chicken/grapes, and pureed chicken chili that we ate for dinner last night. Some foods have been more successful than others, but she's only eating a little at a time, so her appetite still seems very low. I hope that it picks up soon.
For the first three weeks, she's allowed to eat only purees and liquids. For the second three weeks, she's allowed to begin eating soft foods - macaroni and cheese, soggy cereals. Nothing crunchy or hard. She's to keep her arms in restraints for three weeks.
Seeing your child go through this amount of pain and misery has been awful. But her recovery has exceeded my expectations so far. I had no idea what to expect since every child is so different, and I have heard worst case scenarios, of hourly wake ups all night, nonstop tears and fussiness, weeks of recovery. We have been blessed so far that Audrey seems to be healing so well. I know we have a long way to go, but she has been doing so well. The first day was definitely awful but she's continuing to improve. She is definitely still pretty subdued and has cranky spells. Plus she wants to be held by me constantly and is tough to make her smile, reluctant to play and very somber. But I think her recovery has been great so far.
Another reason we feel so blessed is by all the love and support we've received. Our friends and family have given us so much encouragement, prayers and good wishes as we've gone through this with our sweet baby. It's been so encouraging to know how many people support us and love our little girl.
We arrived at the hospital around 6am. Audrey awoke when we moved her from her crib into her carseat that morning, but was her usual calm self despite the early wake up and lack of food. We waited at the hospital and I kept her happy by swaying with her and singing. She of course wouldn't let anyone else hold her. The nurse asked how the handoff would be and I said "awful" so we gave her medicine to calm her down and make her drowsy before the surgery. I think it was Versed. This made her totally loopy, silly and drowsy so it did its job. She definitely didn't mind being handed to the anesthesiologist around 7:50am thanks to the medicine. It made it easier for us too, that she wasn't crying, scared or upset to leave us.
Tim and I waited anxiously in the waiting room. It was a pretty nice set up at the hospital, with comfortable chairs and a television to give you regular updates on your family member's status. Tim got breakfast and we continued to wait. Around 8:30 the ENT came out, told me Audrey did well with the anesthesia and her ear tubes were fine and wouldn't need to be replaced and that the plastic surgeon was getting started. The plastic surgeon came out around 9:40 and said Audrey was done and everything went smoothly. We were fortunate that most of the cleft was located in the soft palate. It was a teardrop shaped cleft, with just a little in the hard palate and most in the soft palate (the back of the mouth). Surgeries in the hard palate are more difficult and the recovery is much worse.
A little later, they called me back into the recovery room to see her. Only one parent was allowed into Recovery. That part was awful. She was loudly crying, squirming, unhappy and out of it. I grabbed her from the nurses, and tightly held her and swayed and rocked her. She eventually calmed down. Apparently as soon as she came out of anesthesia, she was grabbing for her lullaby seahorse we'd sent back with her. It seemed to really help calm her down and I played that continuously for her. She had blood smeared on her nose and mouth, was swollen, had her arms in splints and was so unhappy. I tried to keep it together but couldn't help but cry while holding my sad, pained little girl.
Eventually she calmed down enough to drink a cup of apple juice/water. She would calm down and then cry again so we eventually gave her morphine also. After about an hour, the nurses wheeled us up to her room and Tim joined us.
The rest of the day was pretty awful. Tim and I alternated rocking Audrey in the (totally uncomfortable) chair in her room. She was doped up on morphine and tylenol so woke up every few hours for about 20 minutes or so. We continued to offer drinks but she refused to drink anything. Tim slept in the fold out couch while I slept with Audrey in the hospital bed. It was pretty restless sleep, with the nurses in and out and Audrey squirming on me but at least she seemed pretty sedated and wasn't too fussy.
I had hoped the next morning would bring a drastic turnaround but we still didn't see it. The nurse turned her IV off around 9:30 and said that she would feel the effects in about 2 hours and be interested in drinking then. We couldn't go home until she drank about 2oz/hour so we were anxiously offering her water, apple juice, milk, applesauce, popiscles all day. It wasn't until around 3pm that she finally took her first sips of water. Hooray! I knew she was still in pain and confused but was thrilled she was finally expressing some interest in drinking. We got our first smile when we took her into the Ronald McDonald play room and stood her at the music table. It was a quick, tentative smile but she seemed to relax for just a moment.
We were able to leave the hospital around 5pm. She seemed relieved to be in her carseat and I think she knew she was headed home. That afternoon, she had begun playing with her tongue, running it over her mouth and lips. She could tell things were different. She was still very swollen and incredibly pale but was starting to be interested in playing for a few minutes here and there.
Now, we are on day 3 post-operation and Audrey is gradually returning to herself. She seems to be getting used to the arm restraints we have to keep on her at all times, so she can't put her hands in her mouth. This makes it hard to walk and to play, but she's adapting. She is interested in drinking milk and water. Food is still a struggle, as she is still relatively reluctant to eat. I've given her a variety of foods including baby oatmeal, mashed banana mixed with milk, yogurt, applesauce, ice cream, pureed sweet potatoes/chicken/grapes, and pureed chicken chili that we ate for dinner last night. Some foods have been more successful than others, but she's only eating a little at a time, so her appetite still seems very low. I hope that it picks up soon.
For the first three weeks, she's allowed to eat only purees and liquids. For the second three weeks, she's allowed to begin eating soft foods - macaroni and cheese, soggy cereals. Nothing crunchy or hard. She's to keep her arms in restraints for three weeks.
Seeing your child go through this amount of pain and misery has been awful. But her recovery has exceeded my expectations so far. I had no idea what to expect since every child is so different, and I have heard worst case scenarios, of hourly wake ups all night, nonstop tears and fussiness, weeks of recovery. We have been blessed so far that Audrey seems to be healing so well. I know we have a long way to go, but she has been doing so well. The first day was definitely awful but she's continuing to improve. She is definitely still pretty subdued and has cranky spells. Plus she wants to be held by me constantly and is tough to make her smile, reluctant to play and very somber. But I think her recovery has been great so far.
Another reason we feel so blessed is by all the love and support we've received. Our friends and family have given us so much encouragement, prayers and good wishes as we've gone through this with our sweet baby. It's been so encouraging to know how many people support us and love our little girl.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
When it rains, it pours, eh?
So I've been noticeably absent from the blogging world for the last few months. There were some issues with blogger where I couldn't upload photos. Also, November - January were crazy for me both at work and at home. I had crazy hours at work, planned a birthday party for Barrett and Audrey, traveled for Thanksgiving and Christmas and battled multiple round of illnesses for our poor family, including ear infections, strep throat, colds, and coughs.
Ugh.
January is my busiest time at work and I was routinely working 14 hour days and weekends for a while. At the end of January, I was supposed to be able to enjoy a little reprieve before the stress of Audrey's mid-February surgery began, but that was not to be. It started with an ache in my tooth last Monday afternoon but turned into intense pain by Tuesday morning. Visits to the dentist and endodontist resulted in a repeat root canal, a few rounds of antibiotics, nights of vicodin, days and nights of intense pain (probably worse than my c-section), and now a super-swollen face. Apparently it's a tooth infection, which was probably lying dormant for a while and was triggered to flare up by the previous week's cold. So all the infection was trapped in the root of my tooth area and swelling against the bone, causing this tremendous pain. Ouch! The pain decreased this past Monday morning, but I awoke to a puffed-up face, as the infection found its way out, courtesy of my cheeks. Charming, huh?
Fortunately I'm now on the mend and I'm trying to get my life back on track and part of that resolution is to get back to my little blog. I really enjoy documenting our lives. This time is just flying back and taking the opportunity to document it helps me to remember each stage later on. I always find myself looking back at old posts. As I'm getting older, my memory is getting worse, so I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 2 years ago!
We have a crazy week ahead next week with Audrey's surgery. I'll post more about that and what else is going on with the family in the next few days as I have time. Hoping I can be more diligent about keeping up with our family's adventures this year!
Ugh.
January is my busiest time at work and I was routinely working 14 hour days and weekends for a while. At the end of January, I was supposed to be able to enjoy a little reprieve before the stress of Audrey's mid-February surgery began, but that was not to be. It started with an ache in my tooth last Monday afternoon but turned into intense pain by Tuesday morning. Visits to the dentist and endodontist resulted in a repeat root canal, a few rounds of antibiotics, nights of vicodin, days and nights of intense pain (probably worse than my c-section), and now a super-swollen face. Apparently it's a tooth infection, which was probably lying dormant for a while and was triggered to flare up by the previous week's cold. So all the infection was trapped in the root of my tooth area and swelling against the bone, causing this tremendous pain. Ouch! The pain decreased this past Monday morning, but I awoke to a puffed-up face, as the infection found its way out, courtesy of my cheeks. Charming, huh?
Fortunately I'm now on the mend and I'm trying to get my life back on track and part of that resolution is to get back to my little blog. I really enjoy documenting our lives. This time is just flying back and taking the opportunity to document it helps me to remember each stage later on. I always find myself looking back at old posts. As I'm getting older, my memory is getting worse, so I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 2 years ago!
We have a crazy week ahead next week with Audrey's surgery. I'll post more about that and what else is going on with the family in the next few days as I have time. Hoping I can be more diligent about keeping up with our family's adventures this year!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Audrey - 12 months
My Audrey. I knew I would love you but I had no idea how much you would hold my heart. You are my angel. You are one year now and I wish I could rewind time and live some of this last year over again. It has gone so fast and I already feel like timing is flying by with you faster than it did with your brother.
I think back to a year ago now, when we met for the first time. You came out all fiesty and spirit (if quite reluctantly) but immediately calmed down to your sweet cuddly self. You were an old soul from the start. You barely had your eyes open for the first few weeks. In the hospital, you slept on me, curled up and snuggly, every night. I couldn't bear to send you to the nursery once I had a bit of your sweet and peaceful cuddles. How different you were from the start from your brother, who I'd hear crying down the hall. You were serene and calm from the beginning.
Our beginning did not start out how I expected and I still mourn the moments lost when I handed you off to others to eat. But there's no denying that our bond is unshakeable, whether you ate in my arms or any others. Your mama is your favorite person and you are my favorite little girl.
You are still a teeny little thing, at barely over 17lbs. You wear size 3 diapers and are fitting in and outgrowing some of your 12 month clothes. Your hair continues to grow and I constantly keep a bow in it to keep it out of your face and eyes. Although you went through a phase a few months ago where you were pulling it out, you pretty much leave it alone now and I'm glad for that. Headbands, though, are a different story.
You love to be held. Although you're showing interest in standing and taking tentative steps with help and with the walkers, your favorite place is in my arms. I often feel a little tug on my legs, look down and see you staring up at me, waiting to be picked up. You are so content just hanging out in my arms.
Your personality is really starting to come out. You are a rascal! You love to head over to Payton's food and water bowls. Sometimes you just sit there, then when we see you and start to rush over to pick them up, you get a big grin and reach out to stick your hands in them. Fun game for you! You are starting to hold your own with your brother, trying to keep him from taking your toys. You like to grab his and I wonder sometimes if part of you is doing it to get a rise out of him? Catching on already, little sister?
You are a mama's girl, that is for sure. You are much more reserved and hesitant. Not one to just jump into anyone's arms and not one to just smile indiscriminately at strangers. You need to warm up to people and even then, you're still comfortable primarily in my arms, observing.
I cannot imagine our family without your little spirit. You are such a very special part of my life and I'm so incredibly thankful you are ours.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Halloween
I know I have limited time left while I can still dress Barrett in cute costumes, before he wants to be superman or a transformer or some other total boy costume, so I had to take advantage of it of course. Barrett was just the cutest little monkey and LOVED his costume. He was so excited to wear it.
The Saturday before Halloween we met some of our friends for trick-or-treating in a local town. It was great fun to see our friends again and to enjoy a gorgeous day. Barrett understood what he was supposed to be doing so we got a big kick out of watching him.
Little miss ladybug was along for the ride too.
Last year Barrett was in awe but afraid of this Elmo but this year, he ran right up to give hugs.
This is Audrey's latest move. When she's feeling silly, she'll crane back as far as she can, smiling. I love to nibble on her neck when she does this.
Afterwards, we went to the local library to play. They have a great library, with the entire basement for kids, lots of books and puzzles and tables to play on.
Walking back to the car. This is Barrett's oldest friend, who he met when he was just 12 weeks old. These two love each other and are so cute together.
I even got in on the Halloween action for once. Halloween has become somewhat of a big holiday at my company in the last
few years. They really encourage costumes, and served apple cider
donuts and apple cider in the morning. For lunch, they brought in
pizzas and cake, lots of candy and had awards for costumes. My department is known for being the stick-in-the-muds at holiday season. This year we decided to fool everyone. We were all dressed in our normal clothes and received lots of eye rolling at our lack of participation yet again. Then mid-morning, we dressed up as sumo wrestlers and paraded around the office to the song "I'm Sexy and I Know It." Yes, this is what I wore:
It was completely unexpected, especially coming from me, who is usually pretty straight laced at work!
Halloween night was a little tough because it was a weeknight and so the usual madcap race to daycare and home ensued. But we managed to get around the neighborhood. We actually met up with our neighbors, who were heading out the same time we were, so it was nice to have some company. Unfortunately, I didn't get too many photos because it was so late and we needed to get going. Oh well.
So that's our Halloween! It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is now just around the corner!
2012 Election
Well the votes have been mostly counted and the election results are in.
I am greatly disappointed and saddened this morning. I am going to try hard to temper my feelings here with diplomacy and consideration for my friends who on the opposite side of the political spectrum but still try to express my frustrated feelings.
I am really scared with the direction our country is heading and I'm not sure it'll change. 4 years ago, Tim and I watched the election results rolling in and were not surprised with the outcome. But we predicted that night that 4 years later our country would be in pain with this greatly inexperienced and partisan president in charge from our state known for its corruption and back-room dealings and that the election results would be a lot different. Well only half that is true this morning.
This was my first election voting as a mother and it's amazing how much my feelings changed. Not for who I was voting for, which didn't change, but why I was voting. This time I voted with a much heavier and prayerful heart. Thinking about the future of our country, the direction it's heading, the safety and well-being of these little bodies tucked into their beds in footie pajamas and the responsibility that I have to look out for them drove my vote. Sure, I want to keep more of the money that I worked hard to earn, I want to want to be kept safe from those who want to harm me, and I want to avoid government interference in my daily life. But mostly what I want is a better life for my kids. I want to know that they're protected and safe and that their future is bright and optimistic, that someday they'll have good jobs and can buy homes and tuck their kids in at night someday in the future. The gravity of the election was so much heavier on my heart and mind than it ever has been before.
I am flabbergasted that the majority of Americans agree with me in thinking this country is headed in the wrong direction yet did nothing to try to change that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'd like to think that 4 years from now we'll see vastly different results, but if the current state of this country don't persuade us to try a new tactic, than I don't see anything changing. We've created such a society of dependence rather than Independence, of government reliance rather than self-reliance, of entitlement and expectation rather than hard work and ingenuity. Unfortunately now, so many of our citizens are in this entitlement cycle and will likely never break out of it and that will have a huge impact on our future.
I'm an Accountant. I think in dollars and cents and I'm very practical when it comes to decisions and outcomes. I spend 45+ hours a week analyzing financial statements, reviewing profit and loss numbers and discussing budgets, forecasts, and actuals. But I don't think you need to be a CPA to understand that $16 trillion of debt is financial suicide for our country. Forget terrorist threats - we are going to do ourselves in before long. My kids' share of the national debt is over $100k and I am so angry at our leaders for the unfairness of this, for this selfishness and short-sighted thinking for which my kids and their kids will be paying the price. This spend, spend, spend mentality leads to a fantastic instant gratification but misery and self-destruction over time.
I hope and pray that I'm wrong. I sincerely hope that the decisions the Administration makes will benefit this country, its people and the world. The repercussions of the vote yesterday will be felt long after today, long after 4 years from now, long after those of us who made the decision are alive. We had a tremendous responsibility to future generations when we filled in that circle on our ballot, one that is even more meaningful to me now that I am raising that next generation. The decision has been made and we and they will have to live with the consequences for the rest of our lives. A few of my friends are elated. Me? I'm terrified.
I am greatly disappointed and saddened this morning. I am going to try hard to temper my feelings here with diplomacy and consideration for my friends who on the opposite side of the political spectrum but still try to express my frustrated feelings.
I am really scared with the direction our country is heading and I'm not sure it'll change. 4 years ago, Tim and I watched the election results rolling in and were not surprised with the outcome. But we predicted that night that 4 years later our country would be in pain with this greatly inexperienced and partisan president in charge from our state known for its corruption and back-room dealings and that the election results would be a lot different. Well only half that is true this morning.
This was my first election voting as a mother and it's amazing how much my feelings changed. Not for who I was voting for, which didn't change, but why I was voting. This time I voted with a much heavier and prayerful heart. Thinking about the future of our country, the direction it's heading, the safety and well-being of these little bodies tucked into their beds in footie pajamas and the responsibility that I have to look out for them drove my vote. Sure, I want to keep more of the money that I worked hard to earn, I want to want to be kept safe from those who want to harm me, and I want to avoid government interference in my daily life. But mostly what I want is a better life for my kids. I want to know that they're protected and safe and that their future is bright and optimistic, that someday they'll have good jobs and can buy homes and tuck their kids in at night someday in the future. The gravity of the election was so much heavier on my heart and mind than it ever has been before.
I am flabbergasted that the majority of Americans agree with me in thinking this country is headed in the wrong direction yet did nothing to try to change that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'd like to think that 4 years from now we'll see vastly different results, but if the current state of this country don't persuade us to try a new tactic, than I don't see anything changing. We've created such a society of dependence rather than Independence, of government reliance rather than self-reliance, of entitlement and expectation rather than hard work and ingenuity. Unfortunately now, so many of our citizens are in this entitlement cycle and will likely never break out of it and that will have a huge impact on our future.
I'm an Accountant. I think in dollars and cents and I'm very practical when it comes to decisions and outcomes. I spend 45+ hours a week analyzing financial statements, reviewing profit and loss numbers and discussing budgets, forecasts, and actuals. But I don't think you need to be a CPA to understand that $16 trillion of debt is financial suicide for our country. Forget terrorist threats - we are going to do ourselves in before long. My kids' share of the national debt is over $100k and I am so angry at our leaders for the unfairness of this, for this selfishness and short-sighted thinking for which my kids and their kids will be paying the price. This spend, spend, spend mentality leads to a fantastic instant gratification but misery and self-destruction over time.
I hope and pray that I'm wrong. I sincerely hope that the decisions the Administration makes will benefit this country, its people and the world. The repercussions of the vote yesterday will be felt long after today, long after 4 years from now, long after those of us who made the decision are alive. We had a tremendous responsibility to future generations when we filled in that circle on our ballot, one that is even more meaningful to me now that I am raising that next generation. The decision has been made and we and they will have to live with the consequences for the rest of our lives. A few of my friends are elated. Me? I'm terrified.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Family photos
I realize unless you share DNA with me, you probably aren't interested in this big post of pictures. And maybe you aren't interested even if you do share DNA with me and are just too nice to say so!
But I have to take the opportunity to show off my beautiful babies from our photo shoot this summer.
This photo shoot was an absolute nightmare. I got back in the car after the hour of photos and was wiped out. I felt like I'd been at war. The kids were completely non-cooperative. Barrett, our little attention seeker, refused to smile, refused to sit still, refused to put his arm around Audrey. Audrey was also unwilling to smile. And when I held her, she would only chew on my necklace, so that I had to take it off or give her to Tim to hold. It was exhausting and I felt like I'd run a marathon by the end of it.
Despite all the work and frustration, I am very happy to have these photos of my beautiful children. I look at them, with their big blue eyes, silly laughs and smiles, determined (sometimes obstinate) little personalities and I am so thankful I've been blessed to have them.
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