Friday, February 26, 2010

Less than 3 weeks of maternity leave remaining

In less than 3 weeks I'll be returning to work. This time off has gone so unbelievably fast. I look at our tiny little boy and I'm absolutely devastated at the thought of leaving him. I won't be there any longer to give him morning baths, to watch him napping in his swing, to wake up leisurely next to him, to look over and see his face and rejoice in the fact that we have all day to spend together, just me and him. This morning I leaned over his bed and his face stretched into an enormous smile at the sight of me. It melted my heart. Starting in less than 3 weeks, our mornings will consist of alarms beeping, quick showers, rushed breakfasts and feedings, panicked gathering of diaper bags, bottles, lunches, computers, coats and shoes and rushing out of the house. Someone else will be giving him his meals, watching him nap, seeing him smile and hearing him coo all day. He'll be nuzzling into someone else's neck in someone else's arms while I'm a mile away, sitting in a dreary cubicle in an overheated office filled with stale air and staring at a computer screen all day. And this thought breaks my heart into a million pieces.

I wish I could think of a way to stay home with him and enjoy every second of this brief babyhood of his. I wish we didn't live in such a high cost of living area, so that we could afford to live on just one salary. I wish that I had a job where I could have a more flexible working arrangement, so I could still work part time but have more time to spend with him.

I have no idea how in the world I'm going to drop him off at daycare, get in my car and drive away from him without breaking into a million pieces.

If anyone has any suggestions of work-at-home jobs or how to make more money so I don't have to go back to work, I'd love to hear them!

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