Audrey - 16 months (nearly)

One of my nicknames for Audrey is SnuggleBug and that pretty much sums up how she is these days.  So snuggly!!!  I love it.  She lays her head in the hollow of my neck and shoulder and puts her arms around me and I just melt with the sweetness of it.  She wears my arms and back out on the weekends, because she loves me to carry her as much as possible.  She gets upset when I set her down and she still prefers her mama over anyone else.  No complaints from me!

Her latest lovebug move?  When you ask for a kiss she'll lean her head into you so you can give her one.  Awww!  I also heard from her teacher at school that when the other boys and girls are upset, she tried to calm them down.  Apparently she goes to get their toys or pacifiers and hands them to them.  Last night Barrett was wailing in time-out, which he was placed in because he pushed her.  She picked up his blanket and shuffled down the hall to take it to him. 

Also, we handed her a baby doll two weeks ago and she took that little doll, pulled it to her chest and gave it the sweetest little hug.  She's definitely a little girl!  She now likes to put the doll into a stroller and walk it around the house.  She's very interested in putting its pacifier in and taking it out. 

She says a few words regularly:  mama and uh-oh.  Some words she says infrequently:  hi, daddy (ah-ee), and more (muh).  I haven't picked up on any others yet. 

I know she's starting to understand what we're saying pretty well, since she's starting to follow some simple commands.  Like leaning in for a kiss or if I ask her to get a book, she'll go pick one out.  She lets me know what she wants by pointing and if I offer her something she doesn't want, she'll shake head head furiously or push it away.  So even though she's still not speaking a lot, her non-verbal communication is strong.

Favorite books:  Audrey's obsessed with Brown Bear, Brown Bear.  She and the speech therapist read this book weekly and so now she's obsessed with our book at home.  Whenever I try to read other books to her at bedtime, she rips them out of my hands and shoves Brown Bear in.  She does like the lift-the-flap books we have too. 

Favorite toys:  she always likes to walk around with a toy in her hand - lately it's either her little yellow duck or one of our bath books.  She takes this to daycare, in the car, to bed. 

I'll say one thing about my kids - they're obsessive.

Favorite foods:  Audrey's still on a restricted diet but that ends this week - hooray!  I am so ready to be done with this.  Making all these extra meals has been a huge pain.  She still eats pretty well but the drinking has been difficult.  She's never been too enthusiastic about drinking, starting from the bottles at the very beginning and continuing to valveless sippy cups or open top cups.  But in the last two weeks, she pretty much decided she wasn't drinking at.all.  We push and push the liquids but she still doesn't drink much.  I don't know what the deal is but it drives me crazy!

Size:  She wears size 3 diapers and is in size 12-18 month clothes.  She still wears 12 month pajamas but there isn't much additional room and I plan to move her to the 18 month now (although they seem so big!).  She is 18lbs, 10oz.  She's around the 2nd percentile for weight and I think around the 4th percentile for height.  She's only gained four ounces since her pre-op appointment six weeks ago and her height is just a tad bit more.  I'm not surprised but that was a bit of a bummer.  The first few weeks after her surgery, she lost her belly.  It's back now, but she had a lot to overcome.  I hope that she'll grow now that she can be back on her regular food again.

I think she's already figuring out how much fun it is to push her brother's buttons.  She like to grab his toys and tease him.  I don't feel too sorry for him because he instigates plenty with her too.  I think now that she's so much more active, he sees her as more of a peer so he is a little more rough-and-tumble with her than I'd like.  She usually likes it and just smiles and laughs when he's pushing her around or climbing on her but sometimes it erupts into tears.  I have to watch very closely.  Barrett definitely sees her as competition now for our attention.  He mimics all the things she does and of course the things she plays with are suddenly what he needs to play with.   

Snatching a toy from big brother and running!

I couldn't have imagined such a sweet little girl in our lives.  Everyone who knows her is head over heels in love with her.  She's so sweet, so playful and so loving!

Latest Barrett-isms

Barrett is a never-ending source of laughter these days.  Some of the latest things he's said to make us laugh...

Tonight on the way home from school:
me: "I see you didn't eat lunch today!  Why not?"
Barrett:  "I didn't like it.  I didn't like it, I didn't like the pizza, I don't like pizza bagels, I didn't like the fruit, I don't like yellow fruit, I didn't like it, I didn't like the fruit, I didn't like it... I like ice cream.  I like ice cream and candy."
oh. Okay then.

Barrett is obsessed with getting bigger and tall (like Daddy/like Mommy).  Some of the funny things he's said about that:
Barrett:  "When I grow big and tall like the sky, I won't fit in Mommy's car."

Barrett and Audrey were splashing in the tub, giggling and having fun. 
Barrett to me:  "When you get littler, you can get in the bath with us and play too."
Sorry, kid, it doesn't work that way.

Audrey's Cleft Palate Repair in Pictures

We are nearly 4 weeks out from her surgery now, and Audrey is healing like a champ.  I felt like I'd been holding my breath for the last few months in nervous anticipation of this surgery and now I can finally let it out and feel like the worst is over. 

Pre-surgery, trying to keep Audrey happy despite the early morning wake up

The Versed was kicking in!

 

I look back at these pictures and I want to cry over the images of my sweet baby girl. Seeing these brings back such awful memories of holding her in the recovery room as tight as I could and wishing I could take away her pain. It was such a terrible few days in the hospital and the first days at home. But she was such a strong little cookie and she is past it now.

Sad little girl



 

Fortunately those days went quickly and Audrey recovered amazingly.  Despite the splints, despite the food restrictions, she adjusted so well.  So proud of our sweet little girl!

 

 

Our experiences with Cleft Palate repair

I did a ton of searches on the internet over the last year to read other peoples experiences with their child's cleft palate and the repair.  I found a lot of different information all over the place.  I wanted to jot down a few of my experiences with Audrey's cleft palate repair as a reference for others who may be readying to go through the same thing.

Recommendations:
-Wear dark clothing the entire time.  I had heard this and wore a black tee and sweatshirt the day of surgery, but hadn't planned to need to wear dark colors the 2nd day onward.  But I definitely needed to, so wore the same tee the entire time at the hospital.  Even on day 6 post-op, she still drools blood during her sleep, so dark bedding and clothing would be good to have to reduce stains.

-We've always put Audrey to sleep with this seahorse and she seemed to like it so we sent it back with her during the surgery.  Well apparently it was a great decision because it was the first thing she reached for as she was waking up and she has wanted it played continuously for the days after her surgery.  It has had such a calming effect on her.  Now when we go into her room in the morning, the first thing she wants us to do it turn it on and carry it downstairs with us.  So if your child has a favorite toy or lullaby item, send it to surgery with him or her and hopefully it'll have the same effect ours did.  We did take some other familiar toys and books to the hospital, which she played with very briefly.  She just wasn't in the mood and really just wanted to be soothed the entire time.

-Audrey has to wear her no-nos (arms restraints) for three weeks.  Different doctors have different time frames.  I discovered in the hospital that having colorful covers for the no-nos is nice - we were given some at the hospital that had been tie-dyed.  Apparently a family of a daughter who'd been a long-term patient at the hospital dyes men's socks to give to patients for these covers and it's been really nice.  I'm thinking of buying some and dying them myself - they'd be pink of course!

-a handheld blender will be your best friend.  I bought this one at Costco (for $20!) a few weeks beforehand and am so glad I did.  I have used it for everything so far and it's way easier than lugging out my food processor constantly.  I'm wondering how on earth I made baby food without one of these for so long.


Like I mentioned previously, Audrey is on a puree/liquid diet only for three weeks and then soft-foods only for an additional three weeks (again, different timeframes from different doctors appears to be common).  Her weight and feeding has always been such an issue for us so I'm really trying to think of foods that she likes but can be easily eaten now.

Foods I've been feeding Audrey:
-infant oatmeal mixed with milk
-ice cream
-chobani yogurt
-regular full-fat yogurt blended with fruit
-applesauce
-pureed soups
-pudding
-mashed up bananas and avocados softened with milk
-refried beans, mixed with milk
-puree of sweet potato/chicken/grapes
-mashed potatoes, thinned with milk
-pureed fruits, vegetables, prunes

What I didn't know
- the breath.  Oh my goodness, her breath.  I didn't know that her breath would be so bad after the surgery.  I know this can happen with an infection, but really her breath has been this bad from the very beginning.  It's a sign of how much I love her that I'll still kiss her and cuddle her cheek-to-cheek when her breath is as rank as it is now. 

-the clinginess.  Audrey's always been a mama's girl, but she has been so needy and clingy lately.  There are very few times throughout the day where she'll be content without me there.  I see glimpses of her usual self occasionally, but in general, she's just been very clingy and mopey

-the bleeding.   Like I said above, she still drools blood in her sleep, so I'm washing sheets every day.  It's getting more and more diluted, so I think it will hopefully be coming to an end soon

Every day Audrey is getting better and better.  I think every child and every repair is so different.  I was expecting two weeks of up-all-nights, crying, etc but her sleep was back to normal when we came back home.  We did wake her up to give her tylenol for the first 4 days or so to keep our timetable of giving her pain meds every 6 hours consistent.  But her sleep was fine.  Maybe because her cleft was primarily in the soft palate, but our experience seems to be much better than others have been.  We feel very fortunate so far and are so happy to have this behind us right now. 

Palate Surgery

On Wednesday, February 13, Audrey underwent her palate repair surgery.  It was a day that I'd been both anxiously anticipating and dreading for the last 14 months.  I couldn't believe it was finally here.  I was so nervous leading up to it.  I knew that she'd be in a tremendous amount of pain that I wouldn't be able to fix and seeing your child in pain is every mother's worst nightmare.  Anytime I'd start to think about it or talk about it with her doctors or schedulers, I started to tear up. 

We arrived at the hospital around 6am.  Audrey awoke when we moved her from her crib into her carseat that morning, but was her usual calm self despite the early wake up and lack of food.  We waited at the hospital and I kept her happy by swaying with her and singing.  She of course wouldn't let anyone else hold her.  The nurse asked how the handoff would be and I said "awful" so we gave her medicine to calm her down and make her drowsy before the surgery.  I think it was Versed.  This made her totally loopy, silly and drowsy so it did its job.  She definitely didn't mind being handed to the anesthesiologist around 7:50am thanks to the medicine.  It made it easier for us too, that she wasn't crying, scared or upset to leave us. 

Tim and I waited anxiously in the waiting room.  It was a pretty nice set up at the hospital, with comfortable chairs and a television to give you regular updates on your family member's status.  Tim got breakfast and we continued to wait.  Around 8:30 the ENT came out, told me Audrey did well with the anesthesia and her ear tubes were fine and wouldn't need to be replaced and that the plastic surgeon was getting started.  The plastic surgeon came out around 9:40 and said Audrey was done and everything went smoothly.  We were fortunate that most of the cleft was located in the soft palate.  It was a teardrop shaped cleft, with just a little in the hard palate and most in the soft palate (the back of the mouth).  Surgeries in the hard palate are more difficult and the recovery is much worse.

A little later, they called me back into the recovery room to see her. Only one parent was allowed into Recovery.  That part was awful.  She was loudly crying, squirming, unhappy and out of it.  I grabbed her from the nurses, and tightly held her and swayed and rocked her.  She eventually calmed down.  Apparently as soon as she came out of anesthesia, she was grabbing for her lullaby seahorse we'd sent back with her.  It seemed to really help calm her down and I played that continuously for her.  She had blood smeared on her nose and mouth, was swollen, had her arms in splints and was so unhappy.  I tried to keep it together but couldn't help but cry while holding my sad, pained little girl.

Eventually she calmed down enough to drink a cup of apple juice/water.  She would calm down and then cry again so we eventually gave her morphine also.  After about an hour, the nurses wheeled us up to her room and Tim joined us. 

The rest of the day was pretty awful.  Tim and I alternated rocking Audrey in the (totally uncomfortable) chair in her room.  She was doped up on morphine and tylenol so woke up every few hours for about 20 minutes or so.  We continued to offer drinks but she refused to drink anything.  Tim slept in the fold out couch while I slept with Audrey in the hospital bed.  It was pretty restless sleep, with the nurses in and out and Audrey squirming on me but at least she seemed pretty sedated and wasn't too fussy.

I had hoped the next morning would bring a drastic turnaround but we still didn't see it.  The nurse turned her IV off around 9:30 and said that she would feel the effects in about 2 hours and be interested in drinking then.  We couldn't go home until she drank about 2oz/hour so we were anxiously offering her water, apple juice, milk, applesauce, popiscles all day.  It wasn't until around 3pm that she finally took her first sips of water.  Hooray!  I knew she was still in pain and confused but was thrilled she was finally expressing some interest in drinking.  We got our first smile when we took her into the Ronald McDonald play room and stood her at the music table.  It was a quick, tentative smile but she seemed to relax for just a moment.

We were able to leave the hospital around 5pm.  She seemed relieved to be in her carseat and I think she knew she was headed home.  That afternoon, she had begun playing with her tongue, running it over her mouth and lips.  She could tell things were different.  She was still very swollen and incredibly pale but was starting to be interested in playing for a few minutes here and there.

Now, we are on day 3 post-operation and Audrey is gradually returning to herself.  She seems to be getting used to the arm restraints we have to keep on her at all times, so she can't put her hands in her mouth.  This makes it hard to walk and to play, but she's adapting.  She is interested in drinking milk and water.  Food is still a struggle, as she is still relatively reluctant to eat.  I've given her a variety of foods including baby oatmeal, mashed banana mixed with milk, yogurt, applesauce, ice cream, pureed sweet potatoes/chicken/grapes, and pureed chicken chili that we ate for dinner last night.  Some foods have been more successful than others, but she's only eating a little at a time, so her appetite still seems very low.  I hope that it picks up soon. 

For the first three weeks, she's allowed to eat only purees and liquids.  For the second three weeks, she's allowed to begin eating soft  foods - macaroni and cheese, soggy cereals.  Nothing crunchy or hard.  She's to keep her arms in restraints for three weeks. 

Seeing your child go through this amount of pain and misery has been awful.  But her recovery has exceeded my expectations so far.  I had no idea what to expect since every child is so different, and I have heard worst case scenarios, of hourly wake ups all night, nonstop tears and fussiness, weeks of recovery.  We have been blessed so far that Audrey seems to be healing so well.  I know we have a long way to go, but she has been doing so well.  The first day was definitely awful but she's continuing to improve.  She is definitely still pretty subdued and has cranky spells.  Plus she wants to be held by me constantly and is tough to make her smile, reluctant to play and very somber. But I think her recovery has been great so far. 

Another reason we feel so blessed is by all the love and support we've received.  Our friends and family have given us so much encouragement, prayers and good wishes as we've gone through this with our sweet baby.  It's been so encouraging to know how many people support us and love our little girl. 

When it rains, it pours, eh?

So I've been noticeably absent from the blogging world for the last few months.  There were some issues with blogger where I couldn't upload photos.  Also, November - January were crazy for me both at work and at home.  I had crazy hours at work, planned a birthday party for Barrett and Audrey, traveled for Thanksgiving and Christmas and battled multiple round of illnesses for our poor family, including ear infections, strep throat, colds, and coughs.

Ugh.

January is my busiest time at work and I was routinely working 14 hour days and weekends for a while. At the end of January, I was supposed to be able to enjoy a little reprieve before the stress of Audrey's mid-February surgery began, but that was not to be.  It started with an ache in my tooth last Monday afternoon but turned into intense pain by Tuesday morning.  Visits to the dentist and endodontist resulted in a repeat root canal, a few rounds of antibiotics, nights of vicodin, days and nights of intense pain (probably worse than my c-section), and now a super-swollen face.  Apparently it's a tooth infection, which was probably lying dormant for a while and was triggered to flare up by the previous week's cold.  So all the infection was trapped in the root of my tooth area and swelling against the bone, causing this tremendous pain.  Ouch!  The pain decreased this past Monday morning, but I awoke to a puffed-up face, as the infection found its way out, courtesy of my cheeks.  Charming, huh?

Fortunately I'm now on the mend and I'm trying to get my life back on track and part of that resolution is to get back to my little blog.  I really enjoy documenting our lives.  This time is just flying back and taking the opportunity to document it helps me to remember each stage later on.  I always find myself looking back at old posts.  As I'm getting older, my memory is getting worse, so I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 2 years ago! 

We have a crazy week ahead next week with Audrey's surgery.  I'll post more about that and what else is going on with the family in the next few days as I have time.  Hoping I can be more diligent about keeping up with our family's adventures this year!

Audrey - 12 months

My Audrey.  I knew I would love you but I had no idea how much you would hold my heart.  You are my angel.  You are one year now and I wish I could rewind time and live some of this last year over again.  It has gone so fast and I already feel like timing is flying by with you faster than it did with your brother.

I think back to a year ago now, when we met for the first time.  You came out all fiesty and spirit (if quite reluctantly) but immediately calmed down to your sweet cuddly self.  You were an old soul from the start.  You barely had your eyes open for the first few weeks.  In the hospital, you slept on me, curled up and snuggly, every night.  I couldn't bear to send you to the nursery once I had a bit of your sweet and peaceful cuddles.  How different you were from the start from your brother, who I'd hear crying down the hall.  You were serene and calm from the beginning.

Our beginning did not start out how I expected and I still mourn the moments lost when I handed you off to others to eat.  But there's no denying that our bond is unshakeable, whether you ate in my arms or any others.  Your mama is your favorite person and you are my favorite little girl.

You are still a teeny little thing, at barely over 17lbs. You wear size 3 diapers and are fitting in and outgrowing some of your 12 month clothes.  Your hair continues to grow and I constantly keep a bow in it to keep it out of your face and eyes.  Although you went through a phase a few months ago where you were pulling it out, you pretty much leave it alone now and I'm glad for that.  Headbands, though, are a different story. 

You love to be held.  Although you're showing interest in standing and taking tentative steps with help and with the walkers, your favorite place is in my arms.  I often feel a little tug on my legs, look down and see you staring up at me, waiting to be picked up.  You are so content just hanging out in my arms.

Your personality is really starting to come out.  You are a rascal!  You love to head over to Payton's food and water bowls.  Sometimes you just sit there, then when we see you and start to rush over to pick them up, you get a big grin and reach out to stick your hands in them.  Fun game for you!  You are starting to hold your own with your brother, trying to keep him from taking your toys.  You like to grab his and I wonder sometimes if part of you is doing it to get a rise out of him?  Catching on already, little sister? 

You are a mama's girl, that is for sure.  You are much more reserved and hesitant.  Not one to just jump into anyone's arms and not one to just smile indiscriminately at strangers.  You need to warm up to people and even then, you're still comfortable primarily in my arms, observing. 

I cannot imagine our family without your little spirit.  You are such a very special part of my life and I'm so incredibly thankful you are ours.