Tuesday, November 22, 2011

My Uterus is the Four Seasons of the Baby World

Warning - this post was written by an overdue and cranky pregnant woman.  Consider yourself warned.

I am officially 4 days overdue now.  And, if you use the ultrasound dating, which put her at a due date of 11/14, I am a week overdue.

This is hard.  The last few weeks have been very difficult already, with the non-stop growing belly, the bad sleep, and the very uncomfortable movements from the very strong girl inside me, but the last few days have been the worst.  This belly is so heavy and cumbersome, I'm so ready to be done.

I have done nearly everything I can think of to progress this along.  I was optimistic when I started having contractions, which I'd never experienced with my first pregnancy.  But the contractions seem to only be strong when I'm walking or on my feet.  They wither away when I'm sitting or laying down.  Baby still hasn't dropped and still seems as perfectly content inside me as ever. 

I must have quite a comfortable uterus, because my kiddos don't seem to ever want to leave!

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that maybe I am not meant to have babies the "normal" way.  Maybe my normal needs to mean a c-section.  I had a few meltdowns yesterday in frustration over my lack of progress and my uncomfortableness and the feeling that my body is once again failing me.  I ended the day with a calm reluctance that maybe I just need to accept the fact that for whatever reason, my body cannot deliver babies.  Perhaps it's a misshapen or narrow pelvis, I'm not sure I'll ever know, but maybe I'm just not meant to have babies like other women can.  This is something that I need to come to terms with.  I had high hopes this time around but in the back of my mind, I guess I always felt like it was likely it would come to this.  I am glad I gave it a shot and did everything I could to try to deliver the way I wanted.  At least I won't have the regrets or "what ifs?" and I can try to be satisfied in knowing that this was how it had to be and there's nothing else I could do to make it happen. 

I am now officially giving up the "old wives tales" of inducing labor naturally.  I am going to spend the next few days enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday with my family, cuddling Barrett as much as I can before my c/s incision puts a halt to that, and trying to savor the last of the little girl's movements inside me.  There's nothing else I can really do at this point!

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